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Putting the FAN in Fan-Fiction
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deviation in storage by Synicalsel


I feel strangely empty. If I were religious, I might say something to the effect of "I don't have a soul". Or maybe a heart or I dunno. The hurt will come back. The anger, the resentment, the frustration and petty angst. That always comes back. But I feel like something else went away recently too.

Something's missing.

I don't feel like my life has purpose, and I doubt it ever will. That's not new, it's just still on my mind.

I guess there's nothing left. Nothing but to boost my Xbox Gamerscore until I die.

I'm playing the first 3 Devil May Cry games.

I'm paranoid about how I smell, because I can't detect my own scent. Even after washing. Even though I'm rarely in a situation where anyone has to be around me long enough to find out what I smell like.

I crave intimacy, but I can't even imagine a woman who would be interested in me as much as I'd be interested in them. I feel like it'll only ever be one way. The only person who ever seemed interested is someone I don't feel any connection to, and that sucks because I think she's an alright person, all things considered. 

On that note, I'm kind of struggling between two thoughts: That I should have less restricting standards, and that I shouldn't settle for less than what will make me happy. How do I reconcile those two things? You can't fake it. I mean, you can try, but if you try to force yourself to enjoy a relationship you don't actually want to be in, that's not only doomed to fail but it's also unfair to the other person.

Why can't I stop thinking about shit I'm never going to have? Hell, I wouldn't even be good enough at being in a relationship to stay in one for very long anyway! I can't even have a sensible sleep schedule.

Sometimes I draw, but I never have anything I WANT to draw.

I'm tired, but I need to stay up longer so I can be awake for my dentist appointment tomorrow. I really don't wanna go, but I've already postponed it once. At least my canker sore is gone.

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CassidyPeterson Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2015  Hobbyist
kozispoon Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2015  Student General Artist
Free Birthday Icon  birthday cake Free Birthday Icon 
AndrewMartinD Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2015  Professional Filmographer

Hope you're doin well!
kozispoon Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2015  Student General Artist
Heyo hey!
Thanks a bunch for your :+fav: on the latest page of my technicolor comic! Here's hoping I'm doin' your cube justice. Hope you swing on by again sometime to read up to the bitter end. :nod:
KimberlyGB Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Thanks for the fave, my friend!! :dummy:
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